To follow or not to follow the ‘shoulds’
How often do we have people tell us what we ‘should’ be doing. Do you ever have moments of unexplained irritability and you’re just not sure why? If you spend some time reflecting, and really listening during your conversations you might start to notice the amount of times people say ‘you should’ or ‘you need to..’
I have learned a lot in the last 4 years, and a lot of my growth and change has come from the patience and encouragement Darren provides. It wasn’t until recently that I realized something very powerful. In our years together Darren has never told me what I ‘should’ be doing, he has always told me to do what feels right for me. (Obviously Darren had this all figured out long ago…)
It wasn’t until very recently that I noticed how annoyed I get when someone tells me I need to do something otherwise this, that and whatever else won’t happen or won’t work out. This isn’t to say that I don’t still have work to do, because I know its important to arrive to a place of peace and not allow others opinions and judgements bother me. However, I think the reason this has come to light is to force me to recognize WHY I was feeling frustrated.
IT DOESN’T SERVE ME. If a conversation makes me irritable its likely because whatever is being suggested doesn’t feel right for me. It doesn’t feel like something I want, and it doesn’t make me feel like I am in alignment with my own goals. I have been conscious of these feelings lately, and it has helped me move forward. There is a reason I felt frustrated, if these feelings didn’t come up I may not have recognized how much impact others opinions dictated my decisions. I have come to recognize that when I don’t do what is best for me, then I don’t feel fulfilled, and that is no way to live. This journey is giving me the space to be confident in my own thoughts and feelings.
It has allowed me to be alright with stepping into my fear. I have spent a good portion of my life serving everyone else, and letting my own needs and wants to be swept under the mat. I was afraid of making waves, and I was afraid to not conform. I know now, this is not the path to take if I want to keep growing and learning. I must let go of this fear and move forward. These last 4 years have been a very transitional season, a season that arrived unexpectedly and lasted much longer then anticipated.
2015 brought me a new perspective.
2016 started to change me and bring me out of my shell.
2017 broke me.
2018 brought me back to life.
I have finally arrived to a place that has allowed me to continue moving in the direction that feels right for ME, not what serves others. No one else is living my life for me, and I am in control over where I go in life.
I still reach out for opinions in the times that I feel I need guidance, but this still doesn’t mean I have to do exactly as the person says. I am my own person, and although I like to hear what others have to say, it is up to me to decide what I take away from it. It is important to give yourself the space to make an informed decision based on your own thoughts, needs, and goals. I try not to let others influence my end decision if it doesn’t feel authentic to me.
Life is full of decision making. Some are big, and some are small, but you won’t get away from it. I encourage you to align yourself with your goals, and get clear on what you want in life. This will make decisions a lot easier for you.
Darren and I work really hard to build a life that brings us joy, love, and happiness. We work hard, we learn, we grow, and we never give up. So what I am trying to say is: give yourself the space to let go of the things that don’t serve you. Set boundaries, stand your ground, and always live your life on your terms. It might not be easy, but I can promise it will be worth it.
