10 thoughts in my first 6 months of marriage

Woah, its been a hot minute since I have written a blog post! I haven't forgot about it, I have just been preoccupied with life! It has been such a great year already, (some how it is already May...) and I can't wait to see what the rest of the year brings! 

As Darren and I creep up on 6 months married I thought I would share 10 of my insights.  We have been together over 4 years now, but I still enjoy the aspect of reflecting on when we got married, and how life has been even more amazing! 

I love being married. I find great joy in being Darren's wife, and getting to call him my husband. I talk about Darren all the time because I think very highly of this amazing man I have married. I often share how proud I am of him, because I really am just so dang proud of all his hard work. I will never stop admiring his determination, and strength as he has climbed the ladder to arrive to the place he is at in his career. He is a real rock star in my eyes, and I will never change my opinion that he is the BEST mechanic there is. Sorry to everyone else out there, but Darren really is THE mechanic when it comes to repairing machines... basically a doctor if you ask me. Perhaps I am biased, but I'm not going to change. 

Our morning coffee date over FaceTime.

We are both obsessed with camping! 

So, as promised, here are my 10 insights: 

1. Darren can read my mind. LOL okay not literally, but on the days I'm feeling stressed he senses it hours before I say anything. He says "whats on your mind" and I say "nothing, I'm fine." and he says "really?" and raises his eye brows at me... Okay, you caught me.

2. Make time for personal growth. I love all things personal development, but I love that we get to grow together! We are always learning and changing as individuals, but I love that we get to share these changes as a couple, and continue watering our marriage. We have some really beautiful flowers blooming!

3. Vulnerability really is powerful. It creates another layer of trust when you share the things that go on in your mind. It also helps you work through difficult events/ thoughts/ moments etc.

4. You don't have to love all the same things. I don't love rap music, but I can tolerate it, until I get sick of it and request to listen to something else. There are a few songs I enjoy, but there is also a handful that just aren't my jam, and that is perfectly okay. We work together as a team, but we also have our own individual likes and passions. 

5. Always make quality time together a priority, especially if your lifestyle is similar to ours. Darren has been at work more than he has been home in the last 4 months, so we have to be extra intentional with our time. We make quality time a priority when he is home and when he is at work. Calling each other on FaceTime each evening (or morning if he's on nights) is something we make time for. Even if I am out, or have prearranged plans, it is very rare that I don't make the time to call Darren. 

6. Appreciate the little things. I love being able to do things as a team, even if that task is something mundane like getting groceries or heading to an appointment. Its just the fact we get to be together while doing it. You don't always have to be going on a date night to enjoy each others company. 

7. Form your lifestyle to fit you and your spouse, not what other people expect for you. What works for other couples, might not work for you, so find the balance that makes you both feel good. 

8. Have check ins, and by this I just mean checking in with each other to see where you're at. I am often very busy when Darren isn't home, I fill my days up on purpose so that when he is home I can be more present with him. We make it a priority to always ask how each others day was, but we also like to check in a see where we're at with other things. For example, I like to share with Darren what my goals are for work, or maybe something insightful that I read in a book, and how it made me feel. These little acts of sharing are what keep me feeling connected, especially if he is at work.

9. Make more time for being silly and having fun. Life is busy, and always will be! Don't forget to find time to just check out and have fun! It doesn't have to be anything extravagant either, sometimes its just enjoying some ice cream while watching a funny show. Whatever makes you feel relaxed, and brings laughter, do more of that! 

10. Last but not least: be each others mirror. Darren is always encouraging me to continue working on my goals. Some days I need an extra pep talk, and some days I just need him to talk something through with me. He is always there to listen and support me, which helps me recognize the areas I need to work on. Having him encourage me reminds me why I am here, and it gives me the space to reflect on my areas of growth. 

Most of these things are insights I have learned in our entire relationship, but I have still enjoyed blooming even more since we have been married. I hope you have enjoyed this post, and that I have provided some value to you!

Have the best day!

xo

Part 2: How I started healing

As promised, but also a bit late, here is my story of how I began healing my body. It will sound simple, but at times it didn't feel that way. 

Almost immediately after my SIBO was confirmed my doctor put me on a strict routine and diet. I still remember the severity of my results, the graph showed my symptoms being ‘off the chart’. I knew it was going to be a long road to recovery but I can’t explain the relief I felt knowing that I finally knew what the issue was. 

I started a routine with herbal antimicrobials. There is the option to use antibiotics, but from past experience I knew that my body doesn’t respond well to them. As to what I specifically took, I honestly don’t remember. However, its important to remember that everyone is different, so what I was taking may not be what you would need. Diet wise I did a combination of the specific carbohydrate diet (SCD) and the low FODMAP diet. When you have SIBO the bacteria is moved from the large intestine to the small intestine, and the bacteria feeds and multiplies off carbohydrate foods. So when I was healing, I wasn’t allowed any starchy foods, and I had to maintain this for at least one full year. Side note: I also wasn't allowed chocolate... lets just say this felt like a long year.

I was able to stick to this diet fairly consistently, it was pretty rare that I had even a bite of rice or potato, I honestly couldn’t risk it. I took a wide range of supplements, multiple times a day, and even that eventually became overwhelming. As my body was healing from this, I went through different forms of detox, and many other symptoms started to pop up. My body felt like a construction site, and every time I thought it was improving something else came up. My entire body was out of balance and it was very difficult to get it to level out. 

I did three intensive rounds of the herbal treatment, along with many other supplements for a handful of other undesired symptoms. Everything was out of whack, I imagined my body as a bunch of tangled cords and I had to patiently untie them all. Healing sometimes felt just as exhausting as the the condition itself. I of course wanted instant gratification. I remember thinking, why me, and why is this my reality. It was very difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

I was diagnosed in 2015, and I did a range of different treatments up through until spring of 2018. By this point I just wanted to be done with it. I decided it was time for me to stop everything I was taking and see where I was at. I wanted an accurate reading of how much I had healed. It didn’t take very long before I felt myself falling back into the undesired symptoms. It was during this time I was introduced to the vitamins I currently take. At this point in my life, I figured I really had nothing to lose. I have tried everything under the sun, and nothing quite got me from wearing just a bandaid to having my wounds heals. After some thought, I decided why the heck not! 

In August of 2018 I started a new and much simpler routine. Within two weeks I noticed a significant change in my mental health, and overall I started feeling better. It was during this time that I realized this was the pivotal moment in my healing journey, whatever was in these products was the missing link I needed.  My body was not able to heal itself with just food. We sometimes don't get all the nutrients we need from food, and a supplement can fill in where necessary. Especially if your gut is out of balance. Although, I am not fully healed yet I know it is coming. It took me many years to get to the state I was in, so I know I need to be patient. My best advice is: never take your health for granted. I spent the better part of 5 years suffering, if not longer, and I am just now starting to crest the hill. 

I know with time I will heal completely, and I am always grateful for every tool I have in my tool box. So again, if you ever wonder why I share, this is it. I tried my best to hide it from most people, because I wasn’t even sure what was happening to me. Many people in my life likely don’t know the intensity of it, because it was honestly just to hard to explain. Just one pill, or a counsellor, or medication for anxiety was never going address the root cause. 

My healing is a combination of different things. I was dedicated to the recommended diets, I took my vitamins religiously, I tried to get as much rest as possible, and even when I wanted to give up I kept going. It got much worse before it got better, but I am grateful for everything I have learned along the way. I have always had Darren as my support, I have my friends and family, I have my healthy lifestyle, and I have my vitamins. I mean it when I say these vitamins changed my life. I am grateful to be repairing my gut health, and this is reason number a million why I won’t stop sharing. I don’t want anyone else to experience what I did, and I want to help you recover. In all honesty, gut health is significantly more important than I ever imagined. It is now my mission to help as many people as I can with their health journey. Whether this story is relatable or not, gut health applies to every single person. A healthy and balanced gut will provide a healthy and balanced body. 

I just ask, don’t do this alone, and don’t let your friends do this alone. Its so much easier to conquer these mountains with lots of support. Please reach out, I genuinely want to help you. Your symptoms don’t need to be like mine, they don’t even need to be severe. Your body will whisper, until it screams, I encourage you to address it before it gets worse. 

I am extending this offer to email me if you want guidance. I love to coach others as they heal their body. 

ann.marie.wallace@icloud.com

Don’t wait, lets heal your body together. 

Why do I share

I get a lot of questions about why I do what I do, why I share so much about health, and why I tell my story. The simple answer is: I know there is someone out there that needs to hear it, and I know there is someone else suffering with SIBO.

I know that many people aren’t aware of what I experienced with my health. To some, I may seem like I am overreacting, or maybe I am exaggerating, but the truth is, I am not. I lived with discomfort for 5 years before learning what the issue was. I suffered for those 5 years because every time I went to the doctor I was told it was ‘all in my head’. Apparently not having a functioning digestive system is the new norm. Well, news flash, it not, and never will be normal. 

I spent years doing my own research because I desperately wanted an answer, and I knew that just IBS was not suitable for me. Yes, its common and there are many symptoms that can relate to that, but I was still never provided with a solution. Eating more fibre wasn’t going to solve the issue, in fact, with my case, it made it worse. However, I knew wholeheartedly that there was something I needed to do to heal my body.

I knew that in my early 20’s I was too young to have the symptoms I had:

-Chronic fatigue 

-Non-existent cortisol 

-Major hair loss

-Hormonal imbalance

-Daily bloating and upset stomach

-Crippling anxiety

-A digestive system that did NOT function (three meals in - zero out… YUP I went there) 

These are just titles typed out, they don’t address the feelings I had while experiencing them. You might think, well how tired could you have been, did you really not digest your food, or are you sure you lost a lot of hair? Yes, yes and yes. I became so used to this life that I started to block it out. I started to ‘accept’ that this was my life, and I just had to deal. I remember thinking… ‘I wonder how awful I’ll feel when I am older, if I feel this bad at 22 imagine 40, or 50…..” Although everyone is different, and someone else's symptoms won't be identical to mine, a common factor is: if your gut is out of balance, you're out of balance. 

Suffering from SIBO was a silent condition that affected all parts of my life.  In the 5 years it took to get diagnosed it took over my body, and it drastically affected my quality of life. I also felt like I couldn’t eat anything. I was on a strict low FODMAP diet, and even still I would get flare up’s. I felt like I ran off 3 hours of sleep when in reality I got close to 10 hours every night, but guess what? I still woke up completely exhausted. I had to stop exercising because otherwise I wouldn’t make it through the day. I thought that living in a constant state of overwhelm was ‘normal’ but for me, it wasn’t. Yes, stress exists, but the level I had wasn’t normal for me, my body was quite literally screaming at me.

So next time you wonder why, or are curious as to what sparked my passion: this is it. My own testimony, my own life experience. I didn’t share very much about what I dealt with because most didn’t understand. I am forever grateful for Darren pushing me to keep asking questions, and to keep advocating. Otherwise I would still be where I was, but instead I am healing. I am allowed to say I suffered, because I did. In the 5 years it took me to understand my body, I learned so much about myself. 

I learned that:

-I do have a voice, and I have a powerful one.

-I should never stop advocating for myself, I know my body better than anyone else.

-I should never ignore my body when it starts to scream.

-Not everyone can help their body with just whole foods.

-I did the right thing, and never gave up.

So yes, I am going to continue, and I am going to keep being a resource. If I share bits of knowledge, or ask how are you are feeling its because I genuinely care. I am not trying to be annoying, or invade into your life, I just care that you feel healthy and happy. I don’t want other people to suffer like I did, because it can take over not only your body, but your quality of life.

If you’re on your own health journey and need support, I am here for you. I am now 24 and doing significantly better. I am addressing the root cause and every day I heal a little bit more. I know that my transformation won't happen overnight, but I am grateful for all the knowledge I have gained along the way.

I hope this provides some inspiration if you too are struggling, it can feel like a long road but trust me when I say eventually you'll find an answer. This is a very condensed version of my story, but I feel it outlines the importance of making your health a priority. 

In the spirit of authenticity

I have been focusing a lot on authenticity. I think it is an important area of focus, and we should be intentional with our actions. There has always been a part of me that thought I needed to show up a certain way. Generally, this certain way was based on the expectation of someone else. Often times this didn’t feel authentic to me. I have spent the better part of 6 months really identifying what is true for me and what is not. What I have noticed is there are parts of me that I have developed based on another individuals desire, just like I have buried certain parts of my personality because I have tried to squeeze myself into a mold made by someone else. 

If I have learned anything from Darren (and I have learned many things) its that this life is ours and I am meant to be unapologetically me. He saw through the curtains I had assembled and helped me take them down. He saw the real me before I even knew it existed. He has helped me blossom so I can be my truest self. The comparison game is the perfect potion of disappointment. If you compare your life to someone else’s you are sure to feel as though you need to be in the same boat, when this is far from true. There is always something that seems more developed in someone else’s life vs. yours. There is no sense robbing your happiness by thinking you’re not as far along as you should be in life. Be present, be authentic, and show up as your truest self.

If I spent my time comparing myself to others I definitely wouldn’t be blogging. I could have come up with a million and one excuses as to why I couldn’t blog, or put unnecessary pressure on myself in order to show up like every other blogger. The thing about it is, thats not authentic to me. I am still developing the style of this blog, and I feel most comfortable posting content when I want to, not when I think I should. Blogging is a hobby, its a creative outlet, and its a place for me to share. I don’t want to take the joy out of it for myself, and in this particular season of life, blogging once and while is what suits me best. 

The point of this post is to encourage you to embrace your own identity. Try to avoid comparing yourself to others, and do the things that feel right in your heart. I know at times it can be hard to not compare, especially when often times social media is the highlight reel of ones life. No one wants to post about their hard days, or when they just aren’t feeling themselves. There is a preconceived notion that we have to show up ‘put together’. Well, I am here to tell you this is false. The thing about showing up when you don’t FEEL like you’re at your best is it puts you in a vulnerable position, and we fear letting people in. As if, no one else on this planet has a hard day, or is some how always ‘put together’. Now read that sentence out loud… how ridiculous does that sound? Everyone has off days, and its really NOT necessary to put pressure on yourself to be ‘perfect’. Lets be perfectly imperfect together. 

This is your permission to show up however you see fit, in whatever way feels authentic to YOU. This is allows you to not bend to meet someone else’s standards. So in the spirit of AUTHENTICITY, I am going to share some fun facts about my TRUEST SELF.

Here we go:

-I love pyjamas and I feel most comfortable wearing these while I am home. 

-I don’t love jeans, I wear them less than once a month. I mostly wear comfortable clothing, I feel my best when I wear yoga pants.

-I don’t like loud music. Depending on the genre, it can at times hurt my ears. I can also easily get overwhelmed in noisy atmospheres, because honestly I just don’t love constant, loud noise, so I prefer music at a lower level.

-I dislike clubbing, or bar hopping. Once in a while I don’t mind sipping a beverage in a pub but it has to be the right place.

-I get stressed out eating a peoples homes for the first time because I know I can be frustrating to feed. (I have many food allergies) 

-I don’t like traveling alone. 

-I hate busy parking lots, and I refuse to park at the spots closest to the door, I will 100% park at the very back every single time.

-I don’t have a ton of patience, but this is something I work on everyday.

-I don’t like baking, I find having to measure everything perfectly too tedious.

-I will only reverse stall park the truck. To me, it makes more sense to back in than back out.

-I am a very sensitive person, and I feel things very deeply. I have come to learn this is something to be grateful for. 

Although this may be just a glimpse into who I am, and this is also a very random list of facts, they are still parts of me. What matters is that I love myself, and Darren loves me too. How I choose to live my life, and how I choose to show up is up to me. I may not be everyones cup of tea, but I remind myself often I am not responsible for anyone else’s thoughts, feelings, or actions besides my own.

Darren and I are motivated to live our life on our terms, and always follow what feels right in our hearts. We make an excellent team when it comes to living this wild and crazy life, and we are continuously striving to live it as authentically as possible. 

So this is your reminder to go out, and DO YOU. Be 100% unapologetically you, and I am here to support you.

What does happiness mean to you?

What does happiness mean for you? 

If I have learned anything its that you will go through many different seasons of life…peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys… Its how you learn and grow. Life will always throw a curve ball, or nine, but thats what keeps life interesting. 

During a season of frustration you have to decide how its going to affect you. Are you going to get yourself all bunched up and angry or are you going to take a deep breath and move through it gracefully? I will be the first to admit I haven’t always had the best patience, heck, I still don’t. However, I have learned that this is alright, I am who I am, and if I was perfect I would have no reason to grow. 

I will say, happiness is NOT the following things: (and likely many other things not on this list, because happiness comes from within.)

-A destination

-A person 

-A closet filled with clothes 

-Tropical vacations 

-Money in the bank

-A vehicle 

-A house

-Etc, etc.

Obviously, these things are great, but they aren’t going to sustain your happiness. Something they can do though is create memories. Going on a vacation will provide you with a wonderful memory that you can cherish, and probably a picture or two that you can display. I often frame photos of memories that bring me joy, I love to remember these moments long after they have happened. What I am trying to say is, there is happiness attached to these things, but its not necessarily the item or event itself, its the moments created around them, and its the way you feel during them. Of course, Darren, my family, and friends all bring me happiness, but the difference is they are not responsible for my happiness, I am. 

I have pictures in my office of a trip Darren and I took one summer. The joy I feel when I look at the photos does not come from the money we spent to get there, or the cabin we rented, or even the boat we rented. It comes from the memory of how I felt while we were there. I felt relaxed and present. I felt joy when I caught my first fish, and I remember the laughter behind the camera when Darren was trying to capture me holding it. I love to take photos of our experiences because I like to remember the milestone moments. Yes, I will remember these moments naturally, however, there is something special about going through old photos and remembering the small details you may have forgotten about. 

I remember my dad always used to say: “you have to learn to be happy in the present before you’ll be happy anywhere else.”

When he shared this wisdom with me I was young, and I was in the middle of deciding who I was as a person. I wasn’t unhappy, but I was in the middle of high school which comes with all its own trials and tribulations. I would have to say this particular conversation is one that stuck with me the most. At the time I probably had some internal dialogue of “ya ya whatever dad, I get it..” because I wasn’t in the season of life that I needed to be in to utilize this wisdom. I remember hearing often as a teen, “use this later”. My dad knew I needed my memory bank to be full of things to go back to when I needed them most. I hate to admit it, but he was right… AGAIN. 

Happiness will come from within, and don’t be ashamed if you have to do some digging. Sometimes life shifts, and it shifts quickly. Its easy to spiral into a state of overwhelm when you are trying to keep up with every day life. You might go through seasons of life where you’re not yourself, and this may last longer than you’d like to admit. Life helps you grow, and it helps you become the most authentic version of you, but you have to be willing to go through the frustrations to find the peace. 

Happiness to me is feeling grounded and sure. Its knowing who I am, and being honest with myself when I know I have areas of growth. Its allowing myself to shine brightly, and not hide my truest self from the world. Its stepping into my power, and having fear stand next to me, rather than in front. Its affirming that I am genuine, and I am successful. Its knowing down to the core that I am who I am, and to be unapologetically me, because the world needs ME. The world needs what I have to offer, and theres is no one else that matches my finger print perfectly. 

Happiness to me is feeling grounded and sure.

I encourage you to shift your perspective. I am not saying you have to stop going on trips, or absolutely loving the opportunity to purchase a new item of clothing, or the excitement of buying your first home. What I am saying is, the happiness isn’t in the item itself, its the memories, the feelings, and the joy around the item, the experience, and the moment. These feelings of joy are coming from within you. I encourage you to live your life on purpose, to live your life in the present moment, so as you grow, you can find your happiness. 

What does happiness mean to you?